He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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