stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
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There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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