Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
