I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
