I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
