Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
