1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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