I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
