oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
