Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
