Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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