He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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