you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im just a social blackout drinker.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
