Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
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So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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