We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
