There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
