he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
