We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
