Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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