Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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