When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
