The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
