I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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