the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
