I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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