dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
