I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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