Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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