There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she peed on how many people?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
