Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
