I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
