Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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