We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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