i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
