Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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