Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't think brook has ever known best
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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