girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
