11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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