she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There's a naked man in my car right now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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