Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
