Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
