Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it glows. i had to have it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
