I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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