PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
