i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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