I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
