my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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