i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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