apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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