the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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