we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
