The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
