bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
