yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
