Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
