i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
