i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
