I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
