I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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