can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
