her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
