I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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