What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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