Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
