He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
