My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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