Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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