My sheets look like a crime scene.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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